Appraise the Value of Your Compliments

“The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere.”  -Anne Morrow Lindbergh I couldn’t agree more.

Now, that doesn’t mean I am advocating that we all take a page out of Scrooge’s handbook and bring “Bah-humbug” back onto the scene...

Why flood your market with ‘atta boys’ and ‘good job’ compliments?

It’s not that they are not sincere. I am sure you mean that ‘good job’, but what does ‘good job’ really mean? To preserve the value of your compliments, it all comes down to whether or not they are specific enough that the receiver really understands what you are complimenting --  and whether people can really trust that what you are saying is true and free of a personal agenda.

Sincere and specific compliments are hard work. Most people won’t bother. Finding the right words to describe specifically what you appreciate or value in someone else’s actions is not easy. It requires paying enough attention to note the behaviors and then finding the words to describe them with the sincerity you feel.

Every time you give someone the gift of your words, remember, the quality of the gift you give is a direct reflection of the quality of character you have.

Let’s stop accepting or giving gold plated placations …

and instead strive to give the kind of compliments that are so specific and tangible that they are remembered forever.

Who will you give a sincere and specific compliment to today?

No More Scary Stories

I recently had the privilege of being with a very talented group of financial service professionals at the second Succession Planning Roundtable meeting, as they shared their SCARY stories of succession and exit.

Scary?

Yes, very scary. As financial service professionals, they tend to see the good, the bad and a lot of ugly when they work with business owners through major life events. Selling a business to a third party, estate planning, actually leaving the business, turning over the day to day to a son or daughter, are all major life events that if not done well, can have disastrous consequences. Every one of the 30 people in the room had clients who had experienced disaster. We heard about

• A business not properly covered for risk and liability at purchase, creating a costly outcome for the buyer, followed by a lawsuit against the seller.
• Business ownership in the estate plan split evenly between a son running the business and another who is disengaged, owner passes away creating all kinds of issues around business influence, asset value splits, and more.
• Son or daughter not prepared to run the business and owner/father becomes ill. No plans in place to sustain business. Business struggles and nearly goes under.

I could give you a hundred stories. Unfortunately, this group sees them every day.

And yet I marveled as I listened to these very caring, wise, experienced professionals describe the advice they had offered as they anticipated these risks, and the hoops they jumped through to save the client time, money, stress, legal/tax woes, once they were invited in to help.

With these kinds of resources at my fingertips – business attorneys, financial advisors, risk advisors, estate planning attorneys, M&A experts, investment bankers, business brokers and me -- I’m starting a new section of The Donnelly Report bi-weekly newsletter. If you are not a subscriber, click here to register. This section, called ‘Dear Abby’, will answer your most pressing questions about succession and exit. Baby boomer owners will remember Dear Abby. I certainly do! I’ve received many pressing questions over the years because of her legacy. I hope you will write me with questions you have about Succession, Exit, Leadership and Legacy.

Your questions will be handled with the utmost level of confidentiality and with complete anonymity. Email your questions to me. I’ll tap into this razor sharp group of resources and get you an answer.

The Succession Planning Roundtable was started to facilitate networking, relationship building and learning from each other so we can support the massive number of owners that will be exiting their business in the next 15 years. If you want to learn more about this stellar group of professionals at the Succession Planning Roundtable, let me know. Meetings are open to all and are free!

Exiting My Business Shouldn’t Stress My Marriage!

We just celebrated Valentine’s Day, a day known for candy and flowers and romantic dinners. If you’re planning to retire soon, one of the most caring and practical things you can do is to talk to your spouse about the anticipated changes you BOTH will experience when you no longer work 40 – 60 hours/week. We’re not talking about your new-found ability to take off on a Wednesday afternoon to visit with the grandchildren. We’re talking about the everyday changes to your routine. Those are the ones that have the potential to really shake up your relationship.

We think it’s going to be no big deal…sleep in a little, have some time to read the paper over a leisurely breakfast, do a few things around the house, maybe take a nap…. Well, that may sound delightful to you, but your spouse is likely still living the patterns created over years of partnership. Whether your spouse works full time, part time or not at all, his or her patterns will be shaped and influenced by the changes in yours, and if you don’t discuss them in advance, or as they are happening, you will experience tension.

Last August, my husband Jim left his position and is taking some time off to re-evaluate his career direction. This change meant that he (and we) no longer needed to awaken at 5:20am. Yippee! It also meant he would be home. All. Day. Long. I wasn’t sure I liked that.

First, I noticed a subtle (or not so subtle) nudge for a later wake up time – but I still had early meetings scheduled. Later I noticed more meandering in the morning. He took some extra time to play with our dog, eat a leisurely breakfast. I still had deadlines, commitments, schedules -- made months ago -- staring me in the face. When I worked from home, rather than the solitude I had become used to, he would sweetly stop in to say hello or check in with me about what time I’d be breaking for lunch. I found myself distracted by everything -- the music on his iPad, his conversations with our dog, the front door creaking open and shut, open and shut. Arrggghh!

While it took some time, and a lot of conversation and expectations-sharing, we worked things out. I shared my need for quiet time to focus and concentrate; he plays his ipad a little lower. He sends me a text to confirm lunch plans, and I schedule morning meetings a little later. We’ve found a new rhythm.

In Japan, there’s even a recognized condition related to the relationship changes around retirement. “Retired husband syndrome” describes a set of stress-related symptoms and depression that many Japanese women experience in anticipation of having their husbands around more in retirement. This seems to be driving a wave of late-in-life separations, known in the United States as “grey divorce”.*

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

The best approach is to foster awareness of the impact the change will have on you and to discuss each of your wants and needs. Ask your spouse what they want their life to look like in the next 3 years and tell them what you dream about. Then figure out how to make it happen.

* For more information on Grey Divorce from Greensboro, NC experts, contact us  (abby@leadershiplegacygroup.com)