Are You Listening, or Waiting to Talk?

When I first went into business for myself, I would spend hours and hours preparing for each client meeting.  I remember walking into my top client’s office ready to knock his socks off with the vision I had planned for our session. He sat down, and threw me a curve ball.

A crisis had occurred within his company and he launched into talking about the challenges he was facing. I listened intently as he described the situation. Before I knew it I glanced at the clock and our time together was almost up.  I was facing the daunting reality that the most meaningful feedback I had contributed to our meeting was mixed bag of simple verbal cues that let him know I was in this with him.  I had done nothing to help him navigate the minefield of issues he was in the middle of. Only a few moments remained for me to come up with a recommendation that would show him I could add value to this conversation.

Just as I started to formulate a meaningful response, he pushed his chair away from the table with a look of relief on his face.  I hid how puzzled I was that he was suddenly smiling. After a beat he said, “Abby that was the best meeting we’ve had yet. Thank you for listening. I can’t tell you how helpful this was."

He knew he had been seen. He knew he had been heard. And that is exactly what he wanted. He didn’t need me to solve his problem. He needed me to listen.

Over the course of my career I have realized good listeners are a rare commodity.  If you want to be a true asset to your company, your network and you family... learn to listen. People can tell when you are present and when you are just waiting for your turn to talk.

Don’t be afraid of silence. It is only awkward if you make it awkward. Try this in the next conversation you find yourself in today: Stop and listen. Instead of formulating what you are going to say next while the person is talking…just listen. Trust that the right words will come to you if you let yourself be fully present to the moment. You will not only be surprised with the increased quality of what you hear…you will be impressed with the increased quality of what you have to say.

Sneak Peek: Tip #1 Delegating Allows Them to Shine

 

Face it. You can’t do it all. And even if you could, would you really want to? Let’s dig into the first tip of 128 Tips to Make You a More Effective Leader:

You are not delegating enough. Maybe you are afraid to let go of the work. Maybe you don’t trust anyone else to do it as well as you. Maybe since it’s a task you don’t like, you assume nobody could like it. But not everyone is you. Delegating can help your employees learn and grow. Handing over additional responsibilities can be a show of confidence, and allow your employees to rise to the occasion and shine. Set clear expectations for what success looks like, communicate any boundaries or constraints, and let them deliver!

Who can you allow to shine?

Pinpointing what is holding you back from delegating can be the hardest step of the process. Looking inward can be uncomfortable. Being aware of what your ineffective delegation habits are is a great start, and it is not enough.

Recognizing an ineffective habit is only the identification of a symptom. If you want to experience meaningful change, you have to go after the cause of a symptom; the underlying belief motivating your behavior.

Make the commitment to be fully aware of why you do the things you do.  The best place to start is to simply write it down. It’s a lot harder to hide from the truth when it’s staring you in the face.

• List 3 ineffective habits enabling you to hoard responsibilities that could be delegated
• Below each habit identify the belief causing the symptom

#1.)

Habit (Fill in what you do__________________) = symptom

Belief (Fill in why you do__________________ ) = cause

#2.)

Habit (Fill in what you do__________________) = symptom

Belief (Fill in why you do__________________ ) = cause

#3.)

Habit (Fill in what you do__________________) = symptom

Belief (Fill in why you do__________________ ) = cause 

By identifying what and why… you can then tackle how: how to change your ineffective habits to be a more effective leader. Repeat the exercise from above, and this time instead of filling in the ineffective habits that you currently have, fill in the effective habits that you desire to have.

Now ask yourself:

What belief will I have to change in order to fuel my desired habits?

If you want to be a more effective leader, adopt the habits of effective leaders. Take a look inside my new book now available on Amazon!

I’ll Write About Procrastination Tomorrow

Okay. I’ll be real with you. I meant to start writing this post yesterday.

So why am I sitting here working under a crunched timeline?

Well, because…

I waited.

And why did I wait?

Allow me to answer that question, with a question:

Why, only in the last 24 hours have the pleas of my desktop, closet, and filing cabinets to be meticulously organized… become so darn…seductive?

That’s right – these are the ramblings of yet another unsuspecting victim of procrastination.

…or, the ramblings of the proud new owner of a client filing system that is color coded and alphabetized by middle name, depending on the way you look at it.

Procrastination is nothing more than borrowed time charged on a high interest credit card. It allows us to splurge our time on things that don’t need to be done when we can least afford it.

When the bill comes due we are left with two very undesirable options:

• Scramble to make the deadline
• Miss the deadline and pay the penalty

How do we stop procrastinating? Yikes…that sounds like a topic for another day.

Let’s start with identifying the 2 main reasons why we procrastinate – Do either of these hit home for you?

1. You are energized by the rush that comes from knowing you have to pull out all stops and accomplish something against an upcoming deadline
2. You are de-motivated by the work you are delaying. The job is big and feels overwhelming, you are not sure where to start, or maybe the work is dull and sucks the life out of you

Knowing why you are procrastinating, naming it – takes away its power and will enable you to move forward. Taking the first step means you are no longer procrastinating… you’ve started!

What project or task do you need to take the first step on today? Go ahead. Get started.